Give Us Details; Don't Drown Us.

Give us details; don’t drown us.

                                                                                   James R. Callan                  

We are encouraged to give the reader details, describe what the point-of-view character sees, hears, smells, feels, tastes, thinks, and so on.  Bring the reader into the scene by letting her know everything.

But, this is not a license to kill.

And too much description can kill the interest of the reader. Here’s an example.

After closing my door, Joe went around to the driver’s side of the car, opened the door, got in and sat down. He then pulled the key out of his pocket, put it in the ignition, turned it and started the truck.

Boring, huh? But wait, I’ve given you all the details. I’ve described clearly what happened. What’s the problem?

Let’s try another.

Sally walked into the kitchen, opened the cupboard and took down a cup. She retrieved a spoon from the silverware drawer. The coffee was over the microwave and she took it down, opened it and scooped out a heaping spoonful of the instant powder and put it into the cup. She filled the cup with water and placed the cup in the microwave.

Okay. Enough.  If I haven’t driven the reader off, it must be my mother. Clearly, this is too much detail.

What about this for the very first time we meet the protagonist?

Evelyn walked through the door and said, “Hello.”

Certainly not too much detail there.  But, clearly, we have missed an opportunity, an important “first impression.” I’d say in this case, we have too little detail.

So, how do we get the right amount? We ask questions. 

Does this information give the reader any insight into a character, or help the reader understand what makes this person tick, or provide motivation?  Does this description move the plot forward, or help create the mood or atmosphere? If you answer “No” to any of these, perhaps the description should be cut. It might be too much. Are you slowing things down without consciously intending to slow the pace? Maybe you need to delete some of the details.

In our first example, we might say “Joe started the engine as he walked around and got in.”  Now we’ve shown the reader that Joe has a fancy car that can be started remotely.  This shows us something about Joe.

To determine if you have too little, ask yourself if you’ve set the scene – the reader knows where the character is and what’s around her? Have you have set the atmosphere, the mood? Have you shown how the character reacts to a situation?  Ask if you’ve wasted an opportunity to give the reader insight into who this person is, particularly that all-important first impression.

Details are good. They can bring the reader into the story, immersing her in the scene. But like most good things, you can have too much.  Try to strike a balance of giving the reader enough details to be a part of the plot, but not so many that will drive her out of the story.

James R. Callan

His latest mystery is Over My Dead Body.